It's bizarro to be "church shopping" as part of a job search/planning. This is--perhaps--the process that every potential job should have: more research, more exploring people working in your proposed field...not just several years of school and: See what you can do with an English major that we've been telling you for four years you can do a whole lot with, good luck!
It feels both wonderful and ridiculous to be coming at something with such purpose, especially since I have not been "church-going" in nearly 15 years. I was confirmed, and I said: no more.
However, before I decide if I want to throw myself on the mercy of loans and a heavier classload, I have to see if there really are religious communities out there that I could feel at home in...and, more importantly, fall into a leadership role within.
Which brings me back to: How on earth can such an agnostic woman even begin to think of herself as someone others might look to for spiritual guidance? ...and fears of suddenly not fitting into the circles that I currently frequent. I'm going to be the same person, I just hope to have an outlet for my talents...which I think lie in writing, speaking, and textual analysis.
I recently spoke to Rev. Paula Northwood (youth education director at Plymouth Congregational), and she has a comfortingly familiar theology. She's comfortable talking to people about Christ because she knows that she means Christ on a more cosmic/universal "divine" level, and the people to whom she is speaking bring their own levels of interpretation to what she says. They don't all have to believe in the same way to make the meaning work. I like that. It's rather how I function. Though I still think I might be a bit more Unitarian than Progressive Protestant...I guess we'll see.
Regardless, Paula made me feel like there is a place for people like me in the rapidly altering spiritual world of today. I think I can believe that. I also want to believe that I could be part of a movement among leaders of my generation to take back the spiritual from the religious...to be part of the dialogue across cultures. These are things that matter to me, and whether or not we're a secular society, I think they're sort of at the heart of humanity--consciously or not. Humans make meaning--in varying degrees of complexity--from the scientific to the world unseen, however we choose to personify (or not) that piece of the puzzle.
I can speak to these things. I can (and would love to) learn more of the histories of our world's belief systems, so I can teach others about them, allowing them to make their own decisions about the meaning they make. I think the truth of my potential vocation is inside that. At its core pastoral work should be about helping others to understand and interpret. I grew up in a much more "throw it at you and make you believe" sort of environment, and, I think, many others have too. My explanation of what I do, should I find myself in this sort of employment, will be more along the lines that I'm a teacher...and not in a high schooly names and dates sort of way. This is teaching high level college English...without the ridiculous university expectations from which I am trying to stay away.
And so, to everyone: myself, those who would be excited and those who would be turned off at the thought of Wendy the Bible-thumper--this isn't that. It's newer than that. More involved in the world than the theology I grew up around. It is questions, maybe answers--at the very least--theories. I know this is a lot of work. I know it has potential to be exhausting, and I hope I'm up to that, but it also has the potential to be uplifting, educational and non-rut-forming. And perhaps, most importantly, not a regular desk job. Some desk. Minimal desk, but not all desk all the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment